Pope Benedict XVI came and went. No, he did not dance salsa nor chugged down a mojito (we don’t really know that), but he managed to momentarily rouse Cubans from the monotony of their vida cotidiana. He came and went so fast, but managed to leave a few lasting impressions, such as the following:
- Excellent cost-cutting measure: Regime Thug = First Aid responder. Now, that’s creative multitasking. I’ll beat you up first so I can fix you up afterward. Saves a lot of resources doing so. Cuban Andres Carrion Alvarez learned this painful lesson after getting beaten up by a first-aid responder wearing a Red Cross shirt after shouting “Abajo el Comunismo” during the Pope’s mass in Santiago de Cuba.
- Bad Time to be a dissident: Other than being pummeled by regime thugs during a Liturgical Mass, being a Cuban dissident suddenly become an unwanted commodity. Not only does the Catholic Church seemingly abhor having anything to do with you for the meantime, your phone calls are rerouted and you get to spend quality time for introspection at a nearby police station.
- Aggressive House Guest: If you were a card-carrying Partido Comunista de Cuba (PCC) member who attended the Liturgical Mass at the Plaza de la Revolución, did you hear the Pope subtly insult you while you pretend to hear Mass? As far as I’m concerned, he just called you fanatical and irrational (via biblical symbolism so you might not be able grasp his meaning) – that is, if you were even listening during the sermon.
- Favored House Guest: Friendly neighborhood chum and frequent Havana-flyer, Hugo Chavez, suddenly pops up for an unscheduled visit yet again. The cancer-stricken Venezuelan President got a little face time with the Pope presumably to get prayed over for his immediate recuperation (as if its going to make a difference). This is the same Hugo who regularly chides the Venezuelan Catholic Church for interfering in the affairs of his 21st Century Socialism experiment. Unbeknownst to Hugo, the Pope probably mumbled some Latin incantations to make him even worse. In a totally unrelated matter, it appears that 20% of Americans believe that prayer is a form of health care. WTF!
- Bully Pulpit: Supposed pilgrim, the Archbishop of Miami, gets the opportunity to use the pulpit of the Havana Cathedral to harangue the Communists in front of an approving vociferously anti-Castro Cuban-American contingent. Only for a day at least.
- Coming “Home”: The Miami-based “pilgrims” also get the opportunity to visit their old homes in formerly plush neighborhoods of Havana only to find them occupied by Santería-worshipping new owners (complete with makeshift altars devoted to Afro-Cuban deities). The Afro-Cuban religion Santería, by the way, has more adherents in Cuba than the Catholic Church.
- Robot Army: No cheering, please! The Catholic Church demands so. It’s not a political meeting, so please shut up! (As if the Pope himself wasn’t sending a political message with his visit). Por favor, Il Papa, stop being such as a boring, joyless robot. Ask yourself next time: What would your former boss, Karol Wojtyla do? Note to the Papal spokesperson: you can’t complain of a lesser welcome reception by the crowds if Ratzinger hates to be cheered on.
- German efficiency supplants Cuban Time (Voila! Mass opens exactly as planned, a shout-out to ex-Hitler Youth Ratzinger).
- Immobile: Public transportation suddenly disappeared as all public buses were used to bring people to the public square. What we have here, gentlemen, is an excuse not to go to work. Bravo!
- Strange Bedfellows: Of all places, the Pope gets to officiate Mass in full frontal gaze of that devoted Marxist martyr, Che Guevara.